A client recently asked me a question. It was perhaps the best question I’ve ever been asked about my personal life.
She said, “If you grew up reading the Bible, devoted to church and were essentially a Christian from day one, how did you become a rock n roll groupie?” Wow! The boldness of this question was so beautiful. I wonder how many times I’ve been dismissed by people because of this paradox. How could a girl who was so in love with her Creator and her Savior be so brazenly promiscuous and ego-serving? It doesn’t seem like the two pieces could be part of the same person,
And so I ask YOU….what is your sin?
Every person, through original sin and the sin of the flesh transferred to them through their bloodlines, has a propensity for a certain type of sin…or several! Yes, we really are “born that way.” What makes one person a chronic liar and another person a sneaky cheater? It’s a combo of nature + nurture. Promiscuity (“free love”) was celebrated in the 1960s and Gen X was the product of that. I was born to a couple of hippie teenagers and given up for adoption, just like so many of my friends and peers were at that time. Growing up in the ’70s & ’80s, many of us gravitated to the powerful sexy allure of rock music. In that circle of influence, decadence, hedonism and promiscuity were still being celebrated.
It seems like such a contradiction that I could be so enraptured by rock music and it’s lifestyle and yet spend every Saturday at Christian school and church until I was 17 years old. And yet…I did! God gives us freewill to like what we like, learn what we want, to discover our talents and interests on our own terms. Christian-haters just love to call us hypocrites. I prefer to call us Human. Humans having a human experience, learning about life. Knowing I had the gift of forgiveness, I felt confident and comfortable to explore the forbidden things. Through my sin and youthful curiosity, I learned a lot about who I was, what I wanted and didn’t want in life. I learned from mistakes. I learned from pain. I learned from joy. I learned that the ego can’t be satisfied. Ever. I partied with rock stars and I prayed everyday. Somehow I was able to compartmentalize the different facets of my life.
After 25+ years of living that promiscuous lifestyle, my fascination with God and the Bible kept me asking questions and wanting to learn more about my professed faith. The disappointments in my life were piling up and my gut told me I wasn’t living right. I knew that by believing in Jesus, I was forgiven and there was nothing I could do that wasn’t forgivable. Suddenly, a day came when I learned that I was missing a piece of the forgiveness puzzle. It was the concept of repenting. I never knew what it meant to repent. The word “repent” means to turn around or turn away from. Oh! I not only have to ask for forgiveness in prayer, I actually have to take an action to resist the temptation and turn my back on it. The minute I learned that, it suddenly became so easy. The day came when I genuinely didn’t want to sin anymore. The spirit of rebelliousness had left me, hallelujah! I had a lot of dues to pay and pain to heal from, the penalty of my sins, but I got through it and came out the other side more victorious than ever.
I serve a God that is long-suffering, a God of many chances. My God patiently waited for me to learn what I needed to learn through my mistakes and weaknesses and now I’m a better person for the trouble. Now, because of my experience, I can help others who are where I used to be. I can be a lamp to their feet, to assist them on their journey to overcoming mistakes and habitual sin so they can find victorious living too.
I never judge the ones who want help, who want to repent. I understand you because I was once a bit like you. No matter how much we overcome, we can’t be perfect…but we can always do better!
Be A Sunflower... 