Many people struggle during the holiday season in one way or other. There is more pressure to “be merry” in December than any other time of year. Although I agree that it is imperative to have a grateful heart at ALL times, regardless of any circumstances, there’s a big difference between gratitude and joyfulness.
So many of us grieve the loss of loved ones as memories of holidays past flood our minds. It’s unescapable. But that’s good….escaping the feelings is not a healthy choice to make. We must see this as an opportunity to take the time to sit with our feelings. Feel the grief. The root of our grief, after all, is love. If we didn’t love, there would be nothing to grieve. It’s the steep and hefty price we pay. If tears come up, let them flow. Did you know there is a biological difference between our natural eye lubrication and actual tears? Tears are very salty. Salt water cleanses wounds. This is not a coincidence. Crying creates a chemical reaction that acts like anesthesia and gives us a calm, numbing feeling. Never hold back your tears. Emotions have fluidity, just like tears, and they need to move in order to be released.
Since I have stopped traveling during the holiday season, I have found myself quite relieved and looking forward to a restful, peaceful time this holiday season. But then, my own personal calamity struck this past week. I have what I call a specialty car. I value old things. The manufacturer stopped making the car I drive in 2008 and I have the 2006 model with only 68,000 miles on it. It is very likely that there are few, if any, cars on the road in America with these stats. That old car is something I’m proud of and like to talk about. This past week, seemingly out of no where, my car suddenly needed an astronomical amount of repairs to the tune of thousands of dollars. It’s two weeks before Christmas and it’s busy season for my husband and I. This unexpected financial hardship crushed my spirit. It completely took the wind out of my sails….but not for the reason that you may think.
As I gush about how special this car is to me, one would think that I baby it and do constant maintenance on it. I don’t. I learned to drive with a 1976 Chevy Nova on the country roads and highways of northern Indiana and I drive every car I’ve ever had since then the exact same way, really hard and fast. I take them for granted that they’ll always just work…until they don’t. As I sat alone for 3 days with no transportation while my husband was working double shifts, the feeling of shame and regret came over me.
The way I’ve treated my car, this dumb inanimate object that I supposedly value and appreciate, is a representation of the way I’ve treated mostly everything else in my life, especially my body. #shame
I am a self-proclaimed hedonist and I always have been, which is all well and good until you get to be about 45 years old and then, you’ll wish at some point that you had made better choices. I lived a wild, exciting and glamorous life but I never paid the piper and now the bill is way overdue. This silly little expensive car repair was such a wake up call for me! I treat my own body worse than I’ve treated my car, doing the bare minimum to keep it running, expecting it to just be fine every day. I’m embarrassed and ashamed of myself and I’ve been sitting with these feelings, trying to forgive myself, trying to figure out how to change this and trying to figure out how I even got to this point in the first place.
Perhaps this new journey I’m about to take can be inspiring to others. So, I’d like to take you along with me as I learn about priorities and how to be a better steward of the things that God has given me, especially my body, my loved ones and even the things that I own like my home and car. The first step is acknowledging my failure, asking forgiveness and giving myself grace for my ignorance. Thankfully, I’m still alive to even have this epiphany. Maybe it’s not too late to change. My priority list must be this: seek God first always, then take care of myself, then do for others, then take care of things. This should take up every minute of every day, and when done right, is the equation for good living.
When done right.
“In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success,” Proverbs 3:6
I finally got my car back last night and I still have a couple hundred dollars worth of things to replace and fix on it. I have a doctor appointment later today. I have to start somewhere, I guess. I know I will have to create discipline for myself to exercise in some way every day before I allow myself leisure. I’m going to unsubscribe from a ton of email blasts after weighing value vs. time waste. My magical question for every activity will be “Does this add value and support my goal or is it a distraction/time waster?” I’ve also decided, as an Avon representative, to stop providing personal service and take my tiny Avon business to 100% online-only to make time for more important things. This is just the beginning.
Can you relate to any of this that I’m going through right now? I would be happy to help you with your own prioritizing and boundary setting needs as well, while I coach myself though this new season. I acknowledge that I may get stuck and have to reach out for help too at some point. The most important thing I have is hope. I would like to give you hope too. We all can get through things more victoriously when we partner with others. If you are struggling with the holiday season for any reason, please be brave and reach out to me for support. A 30 minute SunRay Session is only $38 and can make a huge difference in your day. For even more support, I also offer a package of two 55-minute private life coaching meetings for $150. Contact me here.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Be A Sunflower... 